Birds vs. Aliens

They are coming...

Who?

An alien invasion is coming...

Sound the alert!!

Fly away

Fly, fly!

Get out of the open

Uh, oh..

Hide if you can

Can they see me?

 Because they are here

I can't look!

 STARLINGS.

WE'RE HERE...

 European starlings have come to invade the Red House Garden.

Oh crap..

 They will eat all your food..

GET AWAY ALL YOU LITTLE BIRDS!  THIS FOOD IS OURS!

..steal all your nesting sites,

and sometimes even kick out existing eggs or babies,
contributing to the decline of several of your native American species.

Oh that's low..

They will also poop all over your baffle.

MUWAHAHA!!

What can you do about this alien invasion?

We should call those Mission Impossible squirrels!

Remove any food that they are attracted to, such as mixes with millet and millo, or use only bird feeders that little birds can get into.  Keep the ground under the bird feeders clear of seeds.

WHY ARE THERE NO SEEDS HERE?!

If you provide bird houses, make sure the entrances of your bird houses are too small for these aliens.  If you provide large boxes for birds such as Northern flickers, watch over them to make sure that Starlings do not move in.

I still think we should fight!

Hopefully then your aliens invasion problems will be solved..

I'M NOT SCARED OF NO SQUIRREL!  THIS PLACE JUST DOESN'T HAVE ANY GOOD FOOD!

..and they will fly away.

How to Do an At-Home Soil Test in Only 16 Steps

 Step 1.  Buy a Soil Testing Kit

 Step 2.  Read the directions:

1. Spread out collected soil on a piece of paper and pick out leaves, stones, or sticks.

2.  Use the back of a plastic spoon to crush any lumps bigger than a pea.

3.  Let soil dry overnight.

4.  Follow all directions about mixing distilled water, soil, and provided tablets in the little test tubes.

5.  The water in the test tubes will magically turn colors and then you can easily determine everything about the soil.

Step 3.  Get a trowel full of dirt from a few inches down in the ground, dump it on a piece of paper, and throw it in the spare room overnight to dry.

Step 4.  Start crushing the dry dirt with the plastic spoon.  Realize that the dirt was full of ants. 

Step 5.  Clobber Gently remove ants with plastic spoon.

*Images have been censored.*

Step 6.  Spend lots of time trying to crush dried pieces of clay with plastic spoon. 

 

Step 7.  Actually follow the directions and mix distilled water, soil, and little tablets according to instructions on soil kit.  Compare colors to chart.

Step 8.  Realize that my soil actually is acidic.  Throw out the cheap, lying ph tester that has been telling me all this time that my soil is alkaline. 

 

Step 9.  Wonder why two of the tubes stayed clear and did not change color at all.

Uh, aren't there supposed to be some color in those two clear test tubes?

Step 10.  Redo the whole test with different dirt and get the exact same results, including the two clear test tubes.

*See image above*

Step 11.  Suspect that the soil test kit I just recently bought was in fact already expired.  Go back to store and get different soil test.

Step 12.  Follow all the directions exactly this time, and remove leaves, sticks, ants, etc., from dirt and crush it before putting in the spare room to dry. 

Step 13.  Mix soil with distilled water, fill test tubes to correct levels, add tablets, shake, pray that colors appear this time.

Step 14.  Celebrate that there is some color in the test tubes.  Stop celebrating when I realize that the colors tell me that there are very few nutrients in my soil.

Step 15.  See if I can convince Mr. Red House to increase our budget for compost and soil amendments.

*pretty please?*

Step 16. Go make sure there are no more ants in the spare room that my parents will be staying in next weekend...

Of January Delights and Disappointments

January can be a very grey, dismal month.  

The best things in the garden during wintertime bring color..

The house came with these Nandina domestica 'Gulf Stream' bushes, and I must say I love them. 

 

Some nandinas can be invasive, but the 'Gulf Stream' cultivar does not set fruit.  It is supposed to grow about three feet high and two feet wide.  So far mine have stayed pretty little between the deer and the heavy clay. 

Another delightful winter plant is the Coral Bark Japanese Maple.

 

When the sun comes up over the horizon in the morning, the fiery red bark almost glows.

And let's not forget the delightful flowers that came up this oddly warm January!

Between the Nandinas and the early blooming Crocus 'Ard Schenk', my front yard is looking pretty good..

Now on to the other side of the house and one of the most disappointing parts of the garden in January:

The big long perennial border in the back is so blah, that this is the only January photo I could find of it.  I obviously didn't want to look at it long enough to take a picture, even though I'm usually in garden paparazzi mode.  

It is surprisingly partially green thanks to the mild winter, however it desperately needs some structure. Several birches are located to the left of the picture, however I feel that there needs to be a small tree or giant installation art or tacky pink flamingo or something to break it up.  It's such an odd site that it's always been a problem child for me (long and narrow, sloping both ways, on a thick vein of clay, grumble, grumble).  Any suggestions are appreciated and welcome!

Let's go back to the front yard!

Say cheese!

For other gardeners' January highs and lows, you can visit the Bumble Lush Kitchen Garden.